Looking for help

I haven’t made a post in over a year so I am posting this hoping someone can help me share this go fund me page.  I am almost 30 and since 2013 I have had a troubled tooth on my right upper back. Basically if I put my finger in the mouth I can feel almost a whole gap but the tooth is there just mostly decayed. Its been exactly like that for several years and I have more than 1 abscess tooth infection over this tooth.  I have health insurance through tenncare but it doesn’t cover dental and vision.  The days are getting colder and thats when it hurts the most. I will recieve Income Tax but the pain is becoming so unbearable and I can hardly clean or cook or eat when it triggers. Ill be holding back tears trying to play with my daughter and just feel bad bc I just cant wait until bed or naptime to lay there holding my mouth and crying.  Im asking for anyone who reads this to share this blog or to click the link and share to Facebook twitter or email/text. It wont take much to actually get it pulled but I’m worried it will have to surgically be removed because of how little tooth is gone. Here is the link.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=help-get-my-tooth-pulled
 

Thank you. If for some reason the link doesn’t work i will try to post it again in comments.

 

Thanks everyone.  Dana C.

 

Advertisements

Things will change

The past few months I been stuck on this thought that an old friendship of mine will never come back.  For almost as long I was convinced it was my fault this friendship had failed but now I realize I did nothing wrong people change and it is inevitable.  I’m not putting the blame solely on her though because I realize she was not the only one who changed.  Several years ago we went down different paths and I did not know it was happening until it was to late.  The last time I saw her was 2 years ago at the county fair and I remember wondering why she saw such failure in me.  I was finally getting on a path to a sober life and all she could say was “watch your mouth around my kids”.  I apologized of course because although I was a nanny at the time, I did not realize that she had changed that much.  To be frank, we were potty mouths 1 and 2 back when our friendship still existed.  Now that I have Gretchen and going to be married soon I want that friendship back, so over the last year I made several attempts to contact her.  All of which failed and leave me at this thought.  I am done trying, she had turned into someone who finds herself to be good for me.  And I am content with that because I know she is wrong for thinking that.  I only have so much time with Gretchen and now I know one of the many things I am going to teach her is to let some things go.  If you tried and nothing helps, than find something or someone else to put your love and energy into.  After all,

I’m

surrounded with love, family, and FRIENDS.

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

Part 2 The reflux against Zantac

Baby girl has still been spitting up but nowhere near as much as before.  So happy about that.  Maybe in a week it will be done almost completely.  I was gonna write more about it but as it turns out life likes to throw everything at once.

This morning was just crazy.  When baby girl got up at 7:30, I did my usual pick her up and go change her diaper. After I went and got her bottle made and we was sitting in my chair.  Half awake and just cuddling I was just giving baby girl some loving when I felt this huge lump right before her neck.  It didn’t take long before I ran yelling for my SO to wake up. Our first thought, especially since we live in the country, was a bug bite.  So I quickly dressed my baby and hurried to her pediatrician office.  Thank goodness we didn’t have the same doctor that we had seen yesterday or when I took her freaking out she caught my strep.  I actually liked this doctor…funny how yesterday I was complaining about that practice and then I got a nice doctor who was as gentle as she could be but still do her job.

Turns out, not a bug bite. She had a swab culture done for staph/mrsa.  From where Gretchen neck sweats because of her baby fat there, it gave her an infection.  I am constantly cleaning her neck but it only takes a couple hours before fuzz and sweat and drool collects there.  It was just terrible.  She had to be held down by me and daddy and have it just squeezed out by her doctor.  As if it that wasn’t bad enough it wasn’t all coming out so the doctor had to cut her.  Dad was strong, he looked away like me but I started tearing up the moment I saw the tool she brought to cut her.  She screamed so loud that by the time we walked out in the waiting room all the other parents were just staring at us in curiosity.  We waited two and a half hours at the pharmacy just to get her medicine before we finally headed home.  She was fussy on and off all evening but is now finally sleeping peacefully in her bouncy seat. 

But her, at least she’s only spit up about 10 times today. Just not excited about tomorrow but it has to be done.  Good night my readers.

image

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

Part 1 [VERY LONG BLOG] The reflux against Zantac

Today my 5 month baby Gretchen went back to the pedestrian.  Honestly, I do not like the practice that I ended up going with last minute.  I failed to contact the pedestrian I really wanted for my daughter earlier in my pregnancy. Honestly, I did not expect to be told that she or anyone else in their practice would NOT BE ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS.  Lets be real, I’m going to keep calling the office and asking if they can take my child, a new patient, anytime soon.  That way I can contact the health insurance and request a new doctor to be listed on her card.  But until than, or if ever, I have decided to accept that I have made up my mind.  It is time to find a new practice that my health insurance is willing to let Gretchen be seen and insurance covered.  I had no idea that in my county the health department refuses to see premmies.  I doubt I would of been happy with that route but I’m not happy with doctor I have received.

This morning me and my SO took Gretchen to the clinic.  I called yesterday to set it up and got told that her actual doctor is not taking indirect appointments…what does that even mean?  I knew her doctor was pregnant (that part doesn’t upset me) but I cannot understand why I can’t just be told she is taking her maternity leave and only taking the top most important appointments….okay, so is my daughter not important?  Why even take any appointments?  I sure hope the ones she’s taking have some big huge reason for and not only seeing certain kids out of favoritism… I admit I got paranoid when I was told that.  How hard is it to say “She is currently on maternity leave, would you mind seeing someone else” and just leave it at that.  But I got over it.

We arrived early to the appointment, and did not even wait long.  I was prepared for first time because last night I made a list of all the things that I should absolutely tell the doctor, especially since this is the first time he has seen Gretchen. The list was as follows (you see why as a first time mom with a 5 month old was desperate for the doctors help):

1.  Gretchen spits up ALL DAY-ALL NIGHT.  More so after her bottle but I do not keep count like I should but it has to be 35-40 times (each spit up is a lot of spit up) in a 24 hour period.

2.  She does not always cry when she spits up BUT she cries A LOT.  She does not sleep good (tossing and turning sounds through monitor) 4-5 nights a week.  Naps, no matter where it’s taken last no more than 30 minutes if even that.  She usually falls asleep for 5-10 minutes.  I have noticed her sleeping with her back tilted up and her head all the way back, if I move her to be comfortable (in my mind I see it as uncomfortable) that within a few minutes she returns to that same position.

3.  (THIS ONE IS FRUSTRATING AND I AM GLAD I ACTUALLY GOT A WORD IN TO TELL HIM)  When bottle feeding, I do try to stop her to burp.  I also let her suck until I count to 30 and pull the bottle out for a count of 5 because she slurps it down so fast, no matter which bottle I use and/or nipple.  When I feed her formula majority of the time I make a 4 ounce bottle.  I make sure for her size that I follow the calculations for how much she should drink.  Yes, 3 months ago I did not follow this and she was drinking 5-6 ounces at a time every 3-4 hours and she was ranging in weight of 6 pounds to 10 pounds.  It took some work to get her down to 4 ounce bottles.  I’ll explain how that happened further down.  But I would try burping her at 1 ounce, 2 ounce, and 3 ounce.  1 and 2 always ends up with her screaming and trying to throw herself out of my grip.  3 ounces I sometimes got that reaction.  At 4 ounces she will let me burp her and I usually got extra burps if at 1,2, and 3 ended in a fail where she was not going to burp after 10-15 minutes of trying. After she was done burping, spit up would happen(and spit up would occur at 1 ounce burps when I could actually get a burp, plus knowing it had been 3-4 hours since last feeding I knew 1 ounce had not filled her up, and double plus she showed all the signs of hunger including a loud vocaled hungie cry).  She usually would get mad if I did not feed her more.  I stopped myself though because over the next 3-4 hours I would usually have a full set of screaming, crying, refusing to play, she would not cuddle me, and if I succeed in her falling asleep than 85% of the time she was awake within 15 minutes. 10% of the time she would sleep between 30 to (and the almost lucky days) 60 minutes. The other 5% was a true blessing to me.  The doctor did tell me the reaction to burping–and over the next few hours of an awake baby but super sleepy baby–was most likely due to her throat and her esophagus was burning and letting that air up would hurt her.  I kind of had a feeling that was happening. (because sometimes it was not her usual hungry cry, but it sounded like she was just uncomfortable and almost in to much pain but not burping leads to problems so it was a lose-lose scenario)

4.  Okay, so at least once a day sometimes more but not always she would be in a let’s play mood.  The problem.  It was always short lived.  Sometimes she would return to the crying spells in not even 5 minutes and absolutely nothing would cheer her up.  Honestly, she averaged playing a straight 20-25 minute play time like 3-4 times a week.  I read that crying with reflux was bad it hurt them more, well like 2 weeks ago (before I tried this method) I was like, its time to practice cry it out sleep training.  As soon as I read about that I just felt terrible.  Yes she would fall asleep after the 2nd or 3rd trip in there, but on those nights I let her cry and hurt more for 9-15 minutes longer than I should of.  I won’t even admit to nights that I took more trips in there.  So yes, before even speaking to this pediatrician (I’m getting to where he grinds my nerves but its still gonna be a really long blog, honestly if your still reading at this point, THANK YOU for supporting my blog.)  –Back to before I met the doc–I felt really terrible that all the things I tried to do here with out medical advantages and resulted in to many fails.  I am gonna say it, I wish I could be the unrealistic “PERFECT MOM” but even after I finally get on a decent schedule, I know I will mess up.  And you know, since I am okay with these terms, I ask to not be belittled about messing up. And that is why I’m so annoyed at this guy. 

5.  I’ll finally tell you things I tried, techniques I looked up or a friend or family member suggested trying.  This was not my first technique I tried to see if it would make a difference, but it is one I have done 95% of feedings since discovering it.  She would sit up drinking her bottle, and she tries so hard to push herself to laying back on me as much as she can that a few times I was just in the mind frame of “she will spit up regardless” but I was usually exhausted and at my ends wit and just took one time here and there (average of maybe 1 in 35-40 feedings give or take).  The harder part was her most cheerful moments was when she was done eating and enjoyed being on mommy’s lap and did not want to wait for out silly time.  She would do everything in her power to treat me as a trampoline.  Standing and walking never helped she would bounce around constantly.  The crazy part is we have a lot of moments where the first 5 minutes out of 25-30 minutes she would be chill, but still spit up several times in a row.  So I’m still working on this one, I will not give up until she realizes that me keeping her still is mommie trying to keep her from hurting as much as I can stop it, which is not all the way–sadly. 

6.  When she was four months old I did the trick of 1 tablespoon cereal to 4 ounces of formula–swapping back and forth with the oatmeal and the rice–and only doing half the bottles to 3/4 bottles in 24 hour period (OFF TOPIC BUT IF I FINISH THIS WHOLE STORY IN PART 1 YOU’LL SEE WHY I JUST HAD A MOMENT ON MY BLOG-So 4 ounces every 3-4 hours thats what– “4×8=32–4×6=24” which means it wasn’t every day where she got 32 ounces and it’s not exceeding her limit for being weighed in this morning at 15 pounds, Google the formula amount to babys weight equation…you’ll see why it frustrates me that I keep getting told my baby eats to much and medical field employees have used the word ‘FAT’ on my baby girl…cuz surely she’s fat that is what causes the spit up!).  NOW I WILL BREATHE AND GO BACK TO SAYING that cereal in her formula was working.  For like 3 weeks she was only spitting up 4 times a day at most.  I do not know what happened.  At week 3 her spit up increased to 20 times in 24 hours over a period of 2-3 days.  I was adding just a little more cereal each time and eventually decided I wasn’t going to do it on a regular basis.  I would try to get her to eat just the cereal, she still won’t do it and I only try once or twice a week because she just will not eat it at all still.  Neither rice or cereal.

7.  Her 4 month WCC, her doctor gave us some Enfamil for fussiness gas and something else.  I gave 4 ounces all heated on stove (it was the ready made) 24 hours later she wasn’t just spitting up still; she was having a reaction and we spent 4-5 days with 10-15 diaherra diapers.  So I stopped that immediately.  NOW before I left that day I was told by her pediatrician, not this doctor or any other doctor in the practice that has the say so on what my daughter and I should be doing (and if he had come in there asking “NOW miss little Gretchen what seems to be the problem” –that was not asked–and actually let me explain everything I’ve done to try to maintain the reflux, to at least keep it in a moderation level, than he wouldn’t of had to see me start to get annoyed with him…. (and this I’m not overreacting about)) Before I left that day her doctor (that I don’t like but definitely prefer to this grumpy rich old fellpw) had told me to try the formula she have me and if I did not want to retry all the techniques, to make an appointment and we will try to determine first how much medicine she needs, if she needs to change kinds, that I’ll probably be back there 2 more times before shot day in a month.  She did not seem to care as much as I would of wanted, but she had told me, the next step would be trying medicine.  That’s what she told me, I told that old fart that her doctor knows exactly everything I’ve tried, and in fact I wrote down all symptoms and things I have tried to decrease her spit up.  Lets just say that I got medicine for my daughter.  I have given her the first dose 3 hours ago in a 2oz bottle. She burped 3 times (not on the 1 oz of 2 of course) but she got her burps out. And now pretty much been sleeping this whole time! Hence the really long blog. There’s a few other things on my list like…

8.  I told you that I was gonna explain how I succeeded to go from 5-6 oz down to a constant 4 oz. With a 2 oz. Thrown randomly in the day for them moments where she won’t wait til dinner or something. Well, another technique that not a lot of us moms enjoy (some do and more power to you!) but feeding smaller bottles closer together. Like she gets a 4 oz bottle to wake, 4 oz in middle of night and 4 oz before bed (this was before our solids start) and than lets say bedtime is 8pm and wake up is 7am, so after that 4oz, I Fed her at round 9 a 2 oz, at about 10:30-11 she got another 2oz, close to 1 she gets a 2oz, at 2:30 to 3 another 2oz, 5 pm another 2oz, at 6:20ish another 2oz to tide over, and than shortly after we work on our bedtime routine so we can be having a 4 oz at 8 or shortly after.  That did work with some of the spit up, but usually 7 of the bottles would cause the reflux, and it wasn’t always the 4oz ones and than some of the bottles wasn’t just one spit up But 3 or more.

9. I mean I seriously tried EVERYTHING, another doctor in her practice that Gretchen saw because I was paranoid she was getting strep, we had mentioned she was spitting every bottle several times and that we decreased her amount by 2 oz each bottle. But when the two hour and less of holding her to feed her sometimes not getting burps and when I went 20 minutes trying no burps and than she spit up, we decided to take the time to ask another doctors advice, who practices with Gretchen doctor and this awful dude of a doctor.  Her advice was to buy Pedialyte and have Gretchen drink her normal bottle and substitute the Pedialyte for the time and get as close to 8 hours before Gretchen was just hungie for a formula bottle. She said 6 hours would do but if she was hungie by 5 to 6 hours to go ahead and give the 4 oz of formula. This method worked all of 3 days and than she started spitting up the Pedialyte.  Honestly we still give the Pedialyte but only because Gretchen fell so in love with the flavors that there are times where we think she wants formula but all she wants is Pedialyte.  Of course I told this doctor about the Pedialyte and he basically made it a point to try and say the Pedialyte was the cause of reflux.  Well being a new mama bear I just informed that reflux started Well before we introduced Pedialyte, per doctor what’s her name.  He was just trying to make it out like I caused Gretchen to have a reflux problem.  At this point I reminded him her doctor said to come see her if the reflux didn’t get better. I tried another 3 weeks with techniques that we had tried just to see but finally I said enough.  I told him I didn’t realize she was 4 weeks from a maternity leave and if I walked out of there unable to get something to help my baby that I was gonna call when I got home and set up to see a different doctor.  Yes, Zantac was given to my daughter. Especially after (9.) I informed him that the spit up was having clumps in them. Also, I pointed out that if he looked at her growth from 1 month old to now he would see that this month, also been the worst month of spit up so far that she went from gaining 2-3 pounds a month to just barely 1 pound. In fact I believe it was 1 pound and 2 ounces that she gained. So that’s a sure tell sign of reflux, a long with other things I been sitting here explaining about.

10. Which left me to the last point on my sheet. In 3 or so months she went from only spitting up maybe 8 times a day not all the same bottles and yes at that time she was getting 5-6 oz. Usually 6 oz but sometimes she just wouldn’t finish a bottle. Now she finishes every single bottle. I know she’s still hungry, even with solids added at dinner and here in a week or two I’m adding a solid to breakfast bottle.  I looked up feeding schedules. I noticed a lot of moms example show feeding 8 oz at a time and going longer stretches without bottles.  This has to be fixed, if the Zantac does not work they need to dig deeper try something else.  They say my baby is fat. They don’t see her 24/7, they don’t understand that because of her reflux, I’m being forced by my pediatricians to halfway starve her.  She needs more food but we can’t be spitting everything up. So now we are gonna see how this goes.  Part 2 I will be telling all about tonights Randitine and what happens tomorrow. I’m charting everything. Time ate. Amount consumed. How ranitidine was administed to her.  And honesty I hope this works. But we will see. Thanks for reading!

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

I wish I could maintain my frustrations.

No, seriously. I get so annoyed, angry, mad, irriated, just plain frustrated when things do not pan out the way.  I’ve tried to remind myself that life has no easy button; that sometimes things will just astray.  It’s not as easy for me to keep up with this reminder no matter how much I try, which I should say is how much is not much but I do try.

For instance, I just got up and went outside. My child has hardly slept much for a good number of days because her bottom first teeth have been trying to come in well over a month! Well she has been sleeping for few hours and this whole time I have been just trying to relax and do some down time relaxing. (watch YouTube videos, try to get to the bottom of what happened in oregon and how I truly feel about a bogus speech from our president, try to find out more home remedies for excessive spit up before I take Gretchen to the doctor in morning and once again beg for them to give me something for her reflux with a probable fail, and NOW write this blog about my negative life!)  Well anyhoo, this whole time my SO (who I am so ready for the 12th so that he can start this new job after pointing out from all the times he called out because of my baby being sick and 5 months ago coming down to the nicu 2 hours from home to see me and Gretchen) is just chatting my little head off. And I do love talking but what is wrong with me just trying to be the silent goer for a little bit before heading to bed.  So now I’m outside smoking another cigarette because I just need quiet.  It wouldn’t be so bad if my baby had not been the non stop crying for what feels like forever (3-4 days because I tend to overreact).  I am now just sitting out here longer than I probably should.  I want to talk to him, I enjoy out conversations but I just need a little bit of no speaking time to anyone.

Well on another point, I took the Monday and spent it grocery shopping with Gretchen.  Luckily my friend N tagged a long for what should of been a non exciting event.  The first store I went to, I was getting WIC and I go to get the baby items and I come to an aisle who had the smallest inventory for babies.  The frustration was before I had my baby (and I’m talking as long as I can remember up until the last time my pregnant butt went to this same store) they had a well stocked almost whole aisle for baby needs.  The formula cans were no where to be found. I did not see any baby wipes. But than it goes on, for what is supposed to be low price foods, the meats were excessively high and just looking at the whole selection none of the meats where good quality.  Just looked old or like it sat out to long from a freezer or heck even a fridge!  So forget meats…at that point I realized that since Wal-Mart was to packed for my anxiety I went to the next best place.  Got everything in meats and tons of side dishes for out meals.  The only upsetting thing was I wanted the big box of 500+ baby wipes and they only had the 200 count.  I settled for the 200 count.  Than I was happy to see LUVS diapers with 33 more diapers than the store brand I normally buy for just a dollar more. I did not even need diapers yet but I knew I would in a week.  I just got them anyway to try to salvage my annoyed and angry mood.  Than of course there is always something you miss, like my freaking onions I needed for the roast I bought, and I was all the way home in my far from a store that sells onions country middle of nowhere home. Ugh. Go figure right.

I wish I could say that my pessimistic side was just today and today only.  But even last night after making a “put to the last minute trip to the closest store that sold the hygiene products” I was still set off with all of the feelings listed above.  It wasn’t so much the finding the items thing but the walking up to the register and only one register opened and I had just ran in without grabbing a basket for my items.  Yes, I’m 28 years old and still got embarrassed with high anxiety for publicly displaying private items for myself. There was only two people in front of me, so why I stood there in line for almost 10 minutes when no one had 10+ items was beyond me.  Finally got myself home, exhausted and tired I said no to a standing up shower. Filled the tub and washed my self the old fashion way and than went straight to bed.

Honestly though, I wish I had it in me to just be happier.  I’m not always gloomy, truly I’m not, but I am more angry, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, sad, emotional, mentally drained for what I feel I should be in front of Gretchen.  I don’t think I am a terrible mom, I know I cannot be a perfect one, but I do not know how to actually change myself to be a better mom.      

And if I want to be harder on myself, I should say I need to better to my SO.  The man loves me,  like so much so that I did not think it was possible to be loved this much and I find myself either close to blowing up on him or going up and beyond the blown up part and just plain mean.  I should (no I will) go in there and tell him I love him and just talk about anything he wants to talk about no matter how unimportant it seems to me right now.  He is good (great, amazing, fantastic, just the best man for me period) and I should not just tell him, but let him feel it.   I’m not just his SO to him, to him I am a mom who tries as hard as I can with my pessimistic attitude to love my baby.  I am the only one who can say that I am GRETCHENS MOMMIE.

image

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

Taking blogging to a new level…for me anyhoo.

This is way of saying daddy bought mommie a present.  I had been telling my dear hubs that I really wanted to get serious with my writing.  Well now I can… or at least try.  My birthday present was a nice little tablet with a keyboard.  Only big issue is that I have not used an actual keyboard in so long that I could not even tell you.  It is nice though to see everything I am writing on a HUGE screen.  I do love it.

Also I got a new ride, this sweet SUV that will hold all of Gretchen’s equipment and than some.  Pretty stoked about it.  Plus Gretchen turns 5 months tomorrow so I managed to buy her a few nice toys to help her learn and grow.  I actually took her with me and picked up toys to see which ones her eyes lit up the most to.  We got a crawling friend now.  Now she has been stoked about doing tummy time.

My last note though, we still have not found a place to move to.  I think I finally came to terms that we will move but I cannot expect it to be overnight.  As bad as I want it, I want to make sure we found the place most suited for me and my little family.

image

For a friend when we was young

https://www.gofundme.com/mhycf15

I have permission to post this. If anyone can find it in their heart’s to help. My friend is asking for prayers for her father and or donations. He has cancer. I never thought it would hit so close but they are right, cancer does not discriminate. At least say a prayer or keep him and my friends family in your thoughts. Thank you.

D.

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

As I lay in bed and think about the changes coming…

…I realize that my nerves are more so edge than filled with excitement.  I should be happier right now but I am not. Truthfully, I am worried that something will go wrong. We will get moved into our new place and all the expenses that come with it, I will have forgotten to buy diapers or wipes. Or that I’ll be driving my new car this weekend and something will expire; the fuel pump, the oil is bad, radiator leak, or maybe a fluky transmission. Everything should be fine, we have planned everything, checked everything, and we will not be fools this time around. No more roommates though, that will be my only sigh of relief until the Halloween season is upon us. I just have to keep telling myself that we have this and remember to just breathe.

image

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

Saw this and thought of everyone

This was found on Facebook last night. To anyone who is truly following my blog, I wish I had more time to read everyone else’s blog. I am busy with a baby and looking for an apartment but I will start reading more after we get moved. Thank you for the follows.

image

First Time & Stay Home Mommy

The birth story

My pregnancy wasn’t a joyful one at all. I had cravings for spinach period. Spinach dip. Spinach cooked with vinegar or ranch dressing. Raw spinach. Spinach on my sandwiches. Couldn’t get enough of spinach. I hurt physically the whole way through. More than hour on my feet meant I had elephant feet. My pelvic hurt more than I could explain and it was from pressure she set on my vagina. At 31 weeks I found out my other main craving, pizza, caused me to have gestational diabetes, seriously eat healthy it helps. At 33.1 weeks my water broke. I knew it was my water because right before it happened without sitting and laying back down from a terrible backache (back labor is real!!!) I used bathroom, put clothes in the dryer, and as I was grabbing a caffeine free orange soda from the fridge, i felt the gush. Luckily SO was there when it happened. I looked at him and he knew something was wrong and I told him I know that wasn’t pee. Went to bathroom my water was leaking still (and didn’t stop for almost 24 hours or more) and saw blood so we called an ambulance. I went to riverpark but at 33 weeks they don’t chance it and sent me to erlanger. My mom in law stayed with most of the 38 hours. I was given medicine to stop labor and steroids to push her lung development. I hurt the whole way through. Contractions were low and in my back and vagina. At 32 hours I was took for an ultrasound. My stomach was so sore to the touch that they ended up checking me during ultrasound. I was 4 cm dialated and they were not gonna stop it any longer, she was coming. I originally did not want pain medicine but I hurt so long I asked for the epidural. They was asking me my health history and I ended up telling the guy who gives the epidural to leave the room and get my nurse (and I was a major bitch to him because he kept on with questions and wouldn’t leave) he leaves the nurse comes she checks me and in 4 hours I went from 4cm to 10 cm and 100% effaced. No epidural no time to give it the room fills with nurses and doctors (nicu mostly) and I start pushing. Honestly I’ll say this my labor labor was great. Each push of 10 seconds was like when I felt no pain so I only pushed 10-15 minutes for real. I did not tear. So glad. She was 17 1/2 inches long and 4.12 pounds. Her cry was so beautiful I remember shouting how beautiful her cry was. I only got to not really hold her for a few seconds before she went to nicu. After labor is awkward. It took I dunno 30-45 minutes for after birth to come out (placenta) and it felt like the world’s biggest jello sloshing out of my va Jay Jay… I was given promethazine and yes, MORPHINE, for my pain I shook for over an hour straight because my oxygen went way low a half hour before I had her. And after the hour was up I couldn’t just lay down any longer. I stayed up and moving for seriously a month! I should of rested try to rest please it catches up on you like wham out of nowhere if you don’t. She stayed in nicu 28 days came home on a heart monitor and it’s something I’ll never forget. My emotions were (still are) all over the place. You see labor stories or movies on tv and have flashbacks of the best moment of your life. You can’t tell someone how magical it is they have to just go through it to truly know. 🙂

image

11:59 pm 5/4/15 4.12 pounds 17 1/2 inches Gretchen emelia

image

First nicu visit

image

In incubator and no pictures were taken during blue light time (jaundice) and this was bc her body temperature was to low.

image

She knew I was there and you could see the love and want to be in my arms.

image

The first bath mommy face her (i was nervous the whole way through and glad the nurse talked me through it)

image

Christening 5/18/15

image

Look how small she is to her paci

image

She loved rocking time

image

The car seat test to prove her vitals maintained while strapped in for 90 minutes. First try on 26 day and she passed with flying colors. I went back to RMH during test and called at 91 minutes to hear if she passed or not.

image

Coming home. She loved her blanket. Her cousins on dads side picked it out and her name in engraved on it. She hates when I’m washing it and she has to use a different blanket.

Well that’s my how I became GRETCHENS MOMMIE:)

First Time & Stay Home Mommy